Social Media Fast

I had a pretty big emotional breakdown over the weekend.  Those are ALWAYS fun.... ;)  This breakdown was from all of the pressure I've been putting on myself over the last year to be everything to everyone, mainly my family.  I have put SO much pressure on myself to be the perfect wife and perfect mother that there hasn't been much room for mistakes, thus the breakdown.  Although I would never actually call breakdowns fun it was a wake-up call which I am grateful for.

It's time to say NO to the pressure!  The only way I can do that is by identifying where the pressure is coming from.  In doing that this weekend I faced a truth in my life that I have been avoiding for way too long -- social media has become toxic for me.  I will clarify that I am still a firm believer that social media can be good and that we shouldn't stop using it for good.  We need good voices amongst all the bad and I really want to be one of those good voices.  I know I have been in the past and will be someday but I can't right now.

I have gradually allowed social media become a reminder of all the things I should be doing but are not doing.  I see all of these women who have their act together in areas where I don't and I shame myself for not being like them.  I have fallen into the trap of comparing my weaknesses to everybody else's strengths and it has crumpled me in so many ways.  I have become a less effective wife and mother because of it.  My perception of reality has become really skewed and it is time for a reset.  I have decided to fast from social media until my sense of self worth has been restored and I can once again defend myself against the voices that tell me I'm not good enough.

Until then, I hope that I will be able to open myself up enough to use my blog to express myself more than I have.  My blog is a great place for me to use my voice in a positive way without facing all the other negative voices.  I know that one of my big problems is that I have seemed to have almost lost my voice completely.  I hope to find it again so that when I end my fast I can use it the way my Heavenly Father needs me to.

I don't share all of this to make some kind of grand exit from social media but because I have a tendency to make a big show of being myself and not letting all the commotion around me get to me.  I worry that I sometimes make myself seem invincible to low self-esteem.  But that is not the truth, by any means.  I do fall prey to the shaming voices directed at me.  I struggle with self-esteem just like everyone else on the planet.  I think it is one of the universal battles we all face in this life.  What matters is how we choose to fight it.  Because self worth is worth fighting for.