Free writing has come to be a tool that I always keep readily handy. When Cap and I started attending Addiction Recovery meetings and working the program I discovered very quickly that there were a heck of a lot of emotions that I was not dealing with which was causing me to binge eat like crazy. I started to work through my emotions so I could ease the urge to turn to food. One of the things I would do to help me would be to write about how I am feeling. Eventually it all evolved into free writing. I would start writing and come up with something completely unexpected at the end and I would find that I felt resolved with the feelings I was dealing with.
I remember learning about free writing in school and trying it a few times but I just never got it. I always over thought it so I would turn up blank. It's interesting to look back on that and remember thinking that I would never be able to free write and see how it has now become such an essential tool in my endeavor to process my emotions. I use it in many situations. I use it when I know I am having a hard time and know what the cause is and I also use it when I sense something is wrong but I have no idea what it is. It seriously works every. single. time.
So, why am I writing about this? Because it just kind of happened. I came on here to write about the difficulties I have been having with motherhood. When it came to it I was blank. All of the ideas I had floating in my head were gone. I physically couldn't write anything. There was a block. And what do I do when I have a block? I free write! I had a laptop on my lap all ready for me to type away so type away I did. I got to the end of it and I thought, "There's my blog post!" I was completely caught off guard, but it felt right. So here's my example of free writing!:
I really want to write about motherhood but my thoughts have gone blank. I wonder if there is something else that I need to write about. I have no idea what that would be. I am struggling with my emotions lately. I know a lot of that has to do with the emotional aspect of mothering. It takes so much out of me to constantly have to deal with the emotions of my children. I think that's a struggle more so when I am not dealing with my own emotions. I don't know what emotions I am not dealing with. I know I have been spending a lot of time on my phone and in front of the TV. When I do that I feel zoned out and have a hard time being interrupted and switching back and forth. I know it would be better for me and my kids if I gave them up completely but I don't think I could do that. I set a guideline of only one movie a day and I really need to get back to that. I need to get used to doing lanyards without the TV on again. I totally used that as my crutch again this week and it has totally thrown off my week. I know that I can be better and do better though. And I am going to! I will not get sucked into marathons of TV shows. I will only watch one episode a day. One episode a day. This means my personal TV watching. I think that Chad and I should limit to one episode a day for TV shows we watch together as well. It is so much easier to feel the Spirit in our home when the TV is turned off and I am not sucked into my phone. I deleted social media apps from my phone because it was getting out of control. I feel really good about doing that. I feel free from the control it has over me. I am a real person with real control of my life and I need to work hard every day to not give that control over to other people or things. I give control over to people when my emotions are tied to the way they think of me. I will work everyday to not give control over to people by doing the things that help me feel confident in myself. I will no longer doubt myself and my decisions. I will take the leap of faith. If I make a decision and I fall flat on my face I will pick myself up, brush myself off, and pick up the pieces. It is in the falling that I learn the most about myself and about others. I will no longer be afraid of falling.
It doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Mostly they are disjointed thoughts but the mental/emotional block I was feeling was gone by the end of it. That is what I get out of free writing. It helps me to acknowledge what is causing a block in my life, get it all out, process it, and come up with a solution/resolution. It helps me to get REAL about my life. It has become invaluable to me. It is my lifesaver. Have something in your own life you feel unresolved about? Try free writing! It might just change your life. :) If you have any questions about logistics and how to get started feel free to message me!
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