Owning My Story

So, I took a bit of a blog hiatus.  A lot of insecurities piled up.  I kind of lost a sense of what my purpose is and what the purpose of this blog is.  I also got completely overwhelmed trying to juggle all of my various responsibilities.  In short, life happened.  But I am back!

Ever since I started the blog I have spent a lot of time pondering how best to address my husband's pornography addiction, especially the first post dedicated to it.  You see, it's really easy to tell people my husband has a pornography addiction but it's quite another thing to jump in and really talk about it.  That part is really hard.  I decided that for my sake, and for everyone's sake, I would ease into it.  So, this is me easing into it!

I want to share with you why I feel so compelled to be open and honest about our journey.  It's kind of weird, right?  Nobody talks about pornography addiction.  At least not their personal stories.  It's usually only talked about in a general, unpersonal way.  And I think we trick ourselves into thinking that because we don't hear more personal stories that it's because not very many people struggle with it.  I can tell you right now that that is totally false!  A lot more people struggle with it than you think!  Even though it is a struggle for so many it is still so hard to talk about it openly because you essentially put a target on your back.  This is something that will change the way people look at you.  The hope is for the positive but in a lot of cases it will be for the negative.

So why open up about it?

 

I stumbled across this on my Facebook feed this morning and it struck a chord.  For the record, Brene Brown is seriously one of my most favorite people ever and you should totally check her out.  Anyways, the reason I (and my husband) have decided to be so open about our journey is so that we can own our story.  Owning your story looks different for every person.  There are a lot of people who struggle with the same things who choose not to share but that does not mean that they are not owning their story.  This is simply the way I need to own our story.

For 3 years of our marriage, Cap's addiction was in control.  It changed us into people we didn't even recognize.  It defined who we were.  For 2 and a half years now we have worked endlessly to take back control of who we are and our marriage.  We work every single day to make sure that it does not define who we are.  We strive to own it, learn from it, and use it to propel us toward a rich and fulfilling life.  With everything we have we work to write ourselves a brave new ending.  Being open with family, friends, fellow church members, and the entire cyber world is a part of that.

Cap's pornography addiction is a big part of my story.  It affects a lot of areas of my life.  Owning that part of my story has forced me to be honest about my life in a way I never have before.  It has opened doors to a life more fulfilling than I ever thought I would live.  It caused me to find myself, who I truly am, and forge a relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior that pushes me to be the best that I can be.  It has opened me up to more love than I ever thought possible.

I won't hide that part of my story behind a rock because there is no shame in it.  Standing against the shame that is often associated with pornography addiction is essential to owning my story and healing from the affects of addiction.  That is my purpose in continuing to share this with all of you.  I am anxious to move forward!